Excuse me, Steak & A Blow Job Day?

This just in, a new holiday on March 14th. Today is Steak & A Blow Job Day. Yes, you heard me. A response to the overwhelming female enthusiasm around Valentine’s Day, S&BJ Day is designed to cater to the male side of the relationship-maintenance spectrum. The creators describe it this way:

“Over the years, Valentine’s Day has become a commercial holiday for women. On February 14, intimate couples celebrate their love with candy, flowers, greeting cards, and other gifts of affection.

Men do not want candy. Men have no need for flowers or teddy bears. There are two things men want: steak and a blowjob.”

“Puh-leeze,” was my first reaction. My husband gently replied, “It’s not such a bad idea Mona. It’s really funny, straightforward, and men would go nuts over it.” He laughs at his bro joke. “Sorry for that pun. You already know what my favorite meal is. Just give us a day. It’s not even a day! Plus, it’s something to laugh about while you enthusiastically celebrate this holiday once a year.” He smiled. I did too. But that got me thinking. Wouldn’t men prefer to have a blow job and their favorite (preferably healthy) foods more than once a year? Because if you do the relationship right, you won’t need an annual holiday. Here’s what you do:

  • Take the time to listen to us.
  • Cook a healthy meal for yourself and your loved ones.
  • Encourage her to be at her best.
  • Prepare a healthy and delicious snack.
  • Ask questions and listen to the answers.
  • Bring chocolate and wine to bed.
  • Tell us the reasons why you believe us to be beautiful.
  • Make sure that our favorite healthy foods are on hand.
  • Encourage and empower us.
  • Make us laugh.
  • Cook for us consistently, or clean up after we do.

Because I have a partner that fulfills these needs, steak and a blow-job day isn’t much of a stretch. So if there’s anything harmless and playful that we can throw into the marriage, I’m game. 

Beyond Meat, is an amazing plant-based, gluten-free protein.

Beyond Meat, is an amazing plant-based, gluten-free protein.

I’ll be making him Beyond Meat’s Chicken-Free Strips covered in a vegan gravy. He LOVES this dish. I have no idea why he would choose this, but it doesn’t matter. A side not: if any of you are looking for a gluten-free, soy-free, vegetarian alternative, this company makes some delicious plant-based food with fantastic consistency. Here’s more advice on how to create a year-long S&BJ Day. Post blow job, ask her this question, “Is there anything I can do for you?” Oh men of the planet Earth, do you want a highly attentive, loving and sexual partner? Then ask her this question often. Let me repeat that: ask her this question often. Women: I hear some of you already. Turning your noses up in distaste, and feeling that this is demeaning. But if you’re in a loving relationship with a man, consider this: he is basically a caveman in jeans and sneakers. Indulge him and make sure you keep it simple. My girlfriend already texted her man with an easy, understated and direct invitation:

 steak

Understand, this is less about the ‘holiday,’ and more about creating a relationship that works FOR YOU. No matter what you do, make sure that it suits both of you, is fun and where you look after one another. 

I have my own response to Steak & A Blow Job Day, because Valentine’s Day just doesn’t do it for me. April 14th is hereby designated as Eat-A-Pie & More Day. And to prepare you for this very special day, have Key & Peele prepare you:

 

Just kidding on the Pie Day thing. Kind of.

NOTE: By the way Steak and a BJ Day creators, you’re brand is absolutely perfect to partner with BJs Restaurant. I’ll never look at them the same way again.

About Mona

I'm a food writer and home cook that loves to talk about healthy food and romance.
This entry was posted in CTGL Tip. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Excuse me, Steak & A Blow Job Day?

  1. Akua says:

    AWEsome! Keep going.

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